I thought I would pause for a minute to mention how grateful I am for Joe's presence in my life. I love him so much more than I did when we were dating, engaged, or when we were first married. He has earned my whole-hearted respect (something that he says I don't give away very easily to people).
When I was 20, I didn't picture getting married until I was at least 30. Truly. Girls I knew all around me were all abuzz in talking about getting married, dating, having boyfriends, having babies, etc. Looking back, I think I was too scared to entertain those notions with them as I considered it a pipedream and something too lofty for someone like me to think about. I met my husband Joe a few months after I graduated college and, as they say, the rest is history. (Join me for a cup of coffee sometime and I'll tell you our story.) I believe security and trust within a relationship means something very different for a woman that it does for a man. Joe has wondered over the 6 1/2 years we've been together why it is so hard to get through to me and to communicate with me. And I've had a hard time explaining WHY the trust and security he provides for me is so important and why it is so devastating when it is eroded somehow. I really do marvel at the hand of God in our relationship and there were so many times when I have no human explanation but that He carried through those difficult times. He still does, everyday. Some unmarried people I talk to about our marriage wonder about all those milestones that are earmarked throughout the course of a relationship. (The cursory list being the initial attraction, dating, engagement, marriage, and babies...but not always in that order for all couples.) For me it is hard to clearly define those aha! moments or when we clearly defined one chapter from another. My life's path met up with my husband's almost 7 years ago now, and we fell in love, decided to get married along the way, and now have a baby. I don't feel like I've achieved the holy grail of marriage and being pregnant, mainly because I didn't idolize them growing up and before I met my husband. If it happened, great. If it didn't happen, great. (Not that I never had my cynical days of singlehood.)
Please don't misunderstand me. I really do LOVE my husband for dismantling my preconceived ideas about what my life what to be like in my 20's. I believe God gives us who and what we need when He deems most fit. And as I learn more about my husband, I realize God's worked through him to provide me with what I need when I've needed it. (And my prayer is that He'll use me to do the same for Joe.) I tell people who I know long to be married that marriage is not "when your life begins" or a feather in your cap. It's the most selfless commitment I've ever been apart of (we'll see bout parenting- ha!) Nowadays, my husband displays his selflessness by getting up and going to work 5 days a week and spending much time on the weekend planning for his classes (ah, the life of a music teacher). He is tired much of the time and worn out from winter blues. He's had to take on a few more private lessons due to the fact that I am not working right now. He's done a magnificent job with the time, energy, and resources he has and for that I am proud. I love my husband Joe very much and I am proud to be his wife. In my Valentine's card I wrote to him, I indicated that he's the one who has taught me to be a wife, more than my own revelations have.
Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie.
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