In the spirit of Valentine's Day...

I thought I would pause for a minute to mention how grateful I am for Joe's presence in my life. I love him so much more than I did when we were dating, engaged, or when we were first married. He has earned my whole-hearted respect (something that he says I don't give away very easily to people).

When I was 20, I didn't picture getting married until I was at least 30. Truly. Girls I knew all around me were all abuzz in talking about getting married, dating, having boyfriends, having babies, etc. Looking back, I think I was too scared to entertain those notions with them as I considered it a pipedream and something too lofty for someone like me to think about. I met my husband Joe a few months after I graduated college and, as they say, the rest is history. (Join me for a cup of coffee sometime and I'll tell you our story.) I believe security and trust within a relationship means something very different for a woman that it does for a man. Joe has wondered over the 6 1/2 years we've been together why it is so hard to get through to me and to communicate with me. And I've had a hard time explaining WHY the trust and security he provides for me is so important and why it is so devastating when it is eroded somehow. I really do marvel at the hand of God in our relationship and there were so many times when I have no human explanation but that He carried through those difficult times. He still does, everyday. Some unmarried people I talk to about our marriage wonder about all those milestones that are earmarked throughout the course of a relationship. (The cursory list being the initial attraction, dating, engagement, marriage, and babies...but not always in that order for all couples.) For me it is hard to clearly define those aha! moments or when we clearly defined one chapter from another. My life's path met up with my husband's almost 7 years ago now, and we fell in love, decided to get married along the way, and now have a baby. I don't feel like I've achieved the holy grail of marriage and being pregnant, mainly because I didn't idolize them growing up and before I met my husband. If it happened, great. If it didn't happen, great. (Not that I never had my cynical days of singlehood.)

Please don't misunderstand me. I really do LOVE my husband for dismantling my preconceived ideas about what my life what to be like in my 20's. I believe God gives us who and what we need when He deems most fit. And as I learn more about my husband, I realize God's worked through him to provide me with what I need when I've needed it. (And my prayer is that He'll use me to do the same for Joe.) I tell people who I know long to be married that marriage is not "when your life begins" or a feather in your cap. It's the most selfless commitment I've ever been apart of (we'll see bout parenting- ha!) Nowadays, my husband displays his selflessness by getting up and going to work 5 days a week and spending much time on the weekend planning for his classes (ah, the life of a music teacher). He is tired much of the time and worn out from winter blues. He's had to take on a few more private lessons due to the fact that I am not working right now. He's done a magnificent job with the time, energy, and resources he has and for that I am proud. I love my husband Joe very much and I am proud to be his wife. In my Valentine's card I wrote to him, I indicated that he's the one who has taught me to be a wife, more than my own revelations have.

Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie.

27 weeks pics

27 weeks

I find that when I talk to people about my pregnancy, they always ask how far along I am. I tell them in weeks how far along I am. If they have had a baby, they will nod understandingly and I can see in their eyes how they flashback to when they were at the same point in their (or their wife's) pregnancy. If they have never been pregnant or had a baby, they tend to only know how to contemplate a pregnancy in terms of months. I have learned my baby grows about 1/2 an inch a week! That is why each is celebrated and why I don't seem to post about anything else on my blog or facebook page. Each DAY is a milemarker. If our baby were to be delivered now, he/she would have a 90% chance of surviving, but would have to stay in NICU for a bit because they wouldn't have enough fat on their body to keep warm and their lungs would be underdeveloped (among other things, I'm sure). This is why I am grateful for everyday that I am able to carry our child to term (knock on wood). At the beginning of my pregnancy, I would honestly forget some days that I was carrying a growing life inside of me (I was barely showing and felt no movement). Now, as I enjoy this last week before entering the 3rd trimester (!), I am able to rest my hands on top of my belly and I frequently have to focus harder in class and lab because our little buddy is turning sommersaults. The next few photos are some of my favorites we have taken of my weekly growth. Joe made me laugh, and as silly as I think I look when laughing, I have to smile when looking at these.

26 week ultasound

Yesterday I went in for my last ultrasound. When they did my sonogram at 18 weeks, the ultrasound tech was unable to get good views at the low lumbar area of the spine and an anterior view of the face to discern if baby has cleft palette. Once again, we saw the beating heart, and this time, the ultrasound tech said it was a perfect study of a fetal heart. Beating 147 BPM, it was very strong. She zoomed in on the heart and I could see all 4 chambers: right and left atriums and right and left ventricles, complete with the tricuspid and bicuspid valves allowing blood to pump through them between the atriums and ventricles. On my last test for A & P, I had to describe in an essay the heart cycle, complete with knowledge of anatomy of the heart. It was so neat to have my hard work gratified when I saw our baby's heart beating in real time.

This one is the classic ultrasound profile of baby's head.



Save the best for last. This one is a 3/4 perspective of the face, so baby is not quite looking straight at you. In real time, we could see baby stick out its tongue of the mouth a few times. You can see the thoracic area of the spine and the two clavicles. I think baby has daddy's long nose. :)

25 weeks

25 weeks & nesting

So today is February 3rd: my mother-in-law's _th birthday, the day after Groundhog's Day, and the sixth week in a row I have not worked. We called my mother-in-law, Kathy, to wish her well on her birthday, and it looks like Punxsutawney Phil is forecasting an early spring. But the forecast on my work doesn't look good. It took me the better part of January to communicate with my employer, ManorCare (the geriatric facility where I've worked for 2 years as a CNA), about my new work restrictions due to my pregnancy. Technically, I could still do my job as a CNA...only with alot more risk involved. I was given a list of work guidelines from my midwife in regards to bending/stooping and lifting and, according to strict interpretation of these guidelines and what my job requires of me on a daily basis, I am alot more limited in what I can do after 20 weeks- which I reached on Dec. 20th. My midwife and I wrote a letter together to my employer informing them of my new restrictions after 20 weeks. According to my midwife, many women she provides prenatal care for follow the work guideline sheet (the same one I was given) much more loosely, in the interest that they will be able to earn a paycheck longer until maternity leave. The management at ManorCare has really dragged their feet in communicating to me, sending me to talk to this person and that until I finally connected (after leaving a couple of voice messages) with the right people. I am technically an on-call aid, meaning I let ManorCare know my availability and they call me (even when I am not available) to ask me if I can work. Since I went on-call last July while continuing to go to school part time, it's worked out to be about 3 shifts a week. Now that I have more restrictions due to my pregnancy, they haven't called me once in the past several weeks. "We'd prefer a CNA who can do all the regular requirements of the job", they tell me. I'm still available to do light duty, clerical work, or escorts with patients to doctor appts! There's no reason I shouldn't be called! Things tend to wax and wane economically for ManorCare too, it seems. They can only justify a light duty aid or help with clerical work sometimes, and, unfortunately for me, this season looks like it's one of them.

So this means between studying A & P, running errands, cleaning house, exercising at the Y, and intermittent coffee dates with friends, I have been spending plenty of quality time with me, myself, and I for the past several weeks. My days are largely unstructured. I have class Monday and Wednesday nights and make sure I stay on top of my schoolwork (but sometimes I have to muster the discipline to memorize every vein and artery in the body). Joe is teaching school or lessons after school 5 days a week and doesn't get home until about 5:30 each night. On the nights I don't have class, I don't want to study; I want to spend time with my husband because I've been so lonely during the day. At first, it was nice to be able to get more than enough sleep and have ample time to exercise and study. Now, I feel that I need an outside force to implement discipline and structure in my daily life so I actually feel like I am doing something worthwhile each day. It's completely up to me to structure my days. At first, I enjoyed this new challenge. Now, it's driving me crazy at times!

My house has never be cleaner. The laundry has never been finished as quickly on Fridays. And I have definitely started nesting. I have turned our home into Operation Welcome Baby Lindquist. I have gutted the closets in our home and purged them of all superfluous paraphernalia to make room for the onslaught of baby goods I hear new mothers receive as gifts from showers and bring home from repeated pilgrimages to Target and Babies R Us. (I even organized my linen closet within an inch of its life.) We received the crib via UPS from my generous mother-in-law about 2 weeks ago, but due to a manufacturing error, we were unable to complete the task of assembling it. We sold our queen-sized guest bed on craigslist. I am even doing those acrimonious tasks we all avoid, like deleting old emails from my inbox (about 500 in all). I organized several hundred of my photos, many of which date back to high school and early college, into photo albums at night while I watched TV.

Sometimes, on Sunday nights, I get especially sad Joe has to head back to work the next day. Last week I was close to tears because I didn't want to face another week of loneliness. When he comes home, I am so happy that I don't have to be alone anymore that day that I don't always make time to study, even though I really should.

Speaking of A & P, I am one of two pregnant women in my class. Our instructor, Mel, likes to make examples of us from time to time. (Studying embryology at the end of the quarter should be interesting.) Like how we should avoid sleeping on our back because the baby will be pressing against the vena cava, the vein that sends blood to the heart. Depending on how big baby is and how long baby is resting on the vein, the blood flow could be impeded. So it is in the best interest of mom to sleep on her side. The other expectant mom in my class is due at the end of March, two weeks after our final, and I am crossing my fingers she makes it until then without going into labor. My lab partner Trish says she is living vicariously through me because she is not a mom and continually peppers me with questions. Although it's just daily life to me, everything from my growing belly to how I'm feeling during my pregnancy is fascinating to her.