41 weeks

Wow. Did I just type that? 41 weeks. Yep.

We went to have a non-stress test done yesterday and, praise God, everything is going just fine with the baby. The goal with the non-stress tests are to prove that baby is, indeed, not stressed out, and if he/she is, then it would indicate inducing labor may be immanent or a C-section may be necessary. They hooked me up to two monitors strapped around my belly.



The machine the monitors were strapped to printed out this information.




In the lower picture, the squiggly line nearest to you is the baby's heartrate (ideal heartrate is about 120 to 160). The more sporadic black marks are when I felt any type of fetal movement. (I was given a button to press every time I felt the slightest movement.) The graph farthest away (bottom) tracked my uterine contractions. Often times, the baby is sound asleep and the technician has to wake him/her up to get an accurate test. They do this by administering gentle soundwaves to the mommy's tummy or giving mom juice so the glucose can reach the baby to stir him/her. Our baby was wide awake and ready to rumble. We listened to the heartbeat for about 40 minutes before they unhooked me and established that our baby was fine and dandy, getting good oxygen supply, and had a healthy heartrate. The only thing is that he/she is not ready to come out yet. Apparently, it just too snug and warm.

After the NST, we visited the midwife. She examined me and determined I am 2cm dilated and 80% effaced. She determined that my body is ready to be induced. We decided on a Wednesday, May 25th induction date. Now, induction is the last thing I really wanted to consider in regards to bringing our child in the world. (Actually, C-sections are, to be honest.) But as of the afternoon on Friday, May 20st, my body just wasn't going into labor. My midwife wanted to at least schedule an induction for sometime next week, while still giving my body a chance to go into labor. Past 42 weeks, the mother and baby incur risks. The placenta is a temporary organ the body makes to support fetal growth and development. By 42 weeks, it is starting to wear out because it was only made to be utilized for so long; the baby may not even get proper oxygen supply after 42 weeks either. Hence, a favorable time to induce is about 41 1/2 weeks. It feels very strange to almost play God in helping determine when our child will be born. As my mother and my grandmothers all had natural labors, I assumed genetics would be on my side and we would already be parents by now. Alas, if nothing happens by May 25th, I will be induced. I feel ashamed on one hand because my body doesn't do anything more these days than manufacture Braxton Hicks contractions; I really wanted to feel like I was in control of my body or that my body was "doing what God designed women's bodies to do: labor." But on the other hand, we have lived the whole 9th month and now into the 10th month waiting for me to go into labor, and with every day that passes, knowing that control must be relinquished to God's timing, because only He knows what day and time our baby will arrive. It's really their little secret right now. In addition, it is a relief to have a closure date on the horizon. We will call early in the morning on May 25th to see when the best time for us to come in will be. They will give me up to 3 doses of Cytotec to induce me in 9 hours, 1 every 3 hours. At the end of 9 hours, they will break my water depending on how my body takes to the Cytotec or they will send me home for a few days to let me go into labor naturally. If I don't go into labor naturally after a few days, they'll induce me again, this time potentially with Pitocin. If the baby's heartrate drops during that induction, I would have to have a C-section (worst case scenario, but hey, it happened to Joe's mom when he came into the world 17 days overdue.) So, PLEASE pray that I either go into labor on my own by May 25th or that my body takes to the Cytotec on May 25th.

Below is my good luck flower that one of Joe's 6th grade students made for me. Cutest thing ever.

40 weeks, 3 days

At this point in my pregnancy, it feels as if we are waiting in line for the most popular ride at Disneyland. In the hot sun. Without any potty breaks. Without lunch. No water.
If we strain ahead to the beginning of the line, we can see people (all of whom have been in our situation at one point or another) getting on the ride after their long wait. We can see people currently on the ride- the wind whipping their face as their bodies try to anticipate and navigate the dangerous curves ahead. Some look terrified and others look exhilarated. Some have peed their pants and others fully submit themselves to the thrilling joy of uncertainty, their hands waving over their head.

If we look to the end of the line, we see people eagerly adding the the back of it. They must be attracted to the excitement of the ride, the fact that many have gone before them and even stepped off the ride to tell about it, albeit their hands are shaking and their knees wobbly, their faces shine. They try to put to the back of their minds the horror stories of getting sick or the unnerving sense of loosing control of bodily functions mid-way through the ride. Instead, they choose to focus on the glory. They are clueless, we think as we gaze back at them, fatigued from from waiting our turn.

Joe and I are still waiting our turn (as of 10:14am on May 17). It's never going to come, I think on a daily basis. The last time anything happened to my body that was somewhat significant was 3 weeks ago. My body really started to shift around 36 weeks and there's been nothing new to report since 37 weeks. (I could get graphic here, but instead I will restrain.) The most I will declare on the internet is that, as of last Friday, I am 1cm dilated and 70% effaced...as I have been since week 37. Every visit since then, the midwife has examined me, only to report that nothing's changed since last week. This Friday, I am going in for a non-stress test. They will monitor the baby's heart rate, etc. and we will discuss the option of inducing me. I will be 40 weeks, 6 days at this point. Joe is taking the afternoon off to come with me to this appointment because I simply can't make any decisions without him by my side.

Below is a picture of me on my due date, May 14th. It came and went. The next day came and went. So did the next. It's just past 10:30 this morning and the day is young and I am feeling optimistic about today...so far.





Baby Lindquist's nursery...finally finished!











Spring has come! And with it are new pansies I planted to welcome our baby. You can see the peony plant Joe gave me for my first Mother's Day too. We still have yet to plant him.

36 weeks...the final stretch

Yet again it has been almost an entire month since I've blogged. There are many days when I feel as though I should blog, but I don't. I tend to be a perfectionist when I blog- I try to find something truly blog-worthy to blog about, but many days I just don't find anything worth mentioning. (At least online.) Which is odd. Because, personally, I find the everyday happenings of people's lives so fascinating. I feel like my friend Hannah and I have practically founded our friendship (the past 11 of our 15 year friendship being long distance) on this concept: that the humdrum everyday comings in and goings out of the average person could be found interesting, if not many times quite amusing. So, without further ado, my little bloggies, here's what I've been up to lately:

Class ended on March 16th after I finished my final for A & P, collected my "good enough" B, and high-tailed it out of the classroom to spend the next 2 months preparing for the arrival of our child. (I left my precious purple water bottle in the lab; I still mourn its absence.) We've had the pleasure of being blessed by 3 showers in our baby's honor since the end of March. We are diligently chipping away at the list of things that need to be done to prepare for baby. This includes deciding what "need" means and what I just "want" to be done. I have this fear, as I assume all first time moms do, that we just won't be prepared well enough for our baby's arrival. I have an arsenal of diapers, thanks to my mother-in-law Kathy's friend Carla Hansen. I have 2 dozen (for starters) cloth diapers. I have many, many onesies. My mom actually took the time to drive up from Oregon on Sunday, ostensibly to finalize the choices in fabrics for the quilt, curtains, and dust ruffle for the crib.



My mom hurt her shoulder about a month ago and, although she wanted to make the aforementioned items for her grandbaby's room herself, she is unable to do so due to her injury. She is in the process of finding a quilter to complete this mission (ideally) before baby arrives.

Honestly, without the help of our parents and people's generous gifts to us, I don't know how we would've paid for everything our baby needs. I haven't worked (please do not get me started on this sour topic) since the end of December. Money is very tight for us. Our Nikon camera was partially run over by Joe's Taurus about a year ago, and although it still took decent pics, it bit the dust last Christmas. We've been relying on our phone cameras every since then to document our lives. (I must say, for only being phone cameras, they do a pretty decent job.) However, I do not want to be satisfied with taking pictures of our newborn with a phone camera. I really wanted a nice camera. Although my in-laws were generous enough to give me a point and shoot Canon for Christmas, I really wanted something a step or two (or four) above the digital cameras I've had in the past. So, we used much of our emergency funds to purchase our Canon 40D from ebay...plus we put the point and shoot Canon up for auction on ebay to be able to afford the purchase of a lens. And as of a couple minutes ago- I just checked it- it's had zero bids...come on now! The purchase of the 40D is worth it because we'll never get back those moments with our baby. However, this also means we are less than 4 weeks away from our baby's arrival with barely enough of what it takes to pay our bills each month. But God's been good to us. Every month, we are watching closely to what we are spending and our bills are within Joe's salary...by the grace of God. In January, we decided to finally get our butts in gear and pay off our credit card debt before May. He made sure we were able to set aside substantial chunks each month to lower our debt and that our tax refund was large enough to finally PAY IT OFF. That's right. We are credit card debt free, folks, as of March. All because of His wisdom and not ours. Every month, we must decide how we are to spend our money for that month. And every month, somehow, we make it.

As you can infer by now, I find myself often worrying about things concerning this baby. I don't really worry all that much about what it's going to take to actually bear a child and raise him/her. Is that weird? I sometimes ponder. But, I assure myself, things that are required to raise a child are all I know how to worry about right now. I am strangely not fearing child labor or all the sleepless nights when I am up with a baby that just won't go to sleep.

Until then, we'll just have to baby our other babies, our furry ones we mean. Below is a shot of Millie after we subjected her royal highness to a bath. Although she temporarily submits to us in the bath, afterwards she is back to her old (usually) pissy self. Mad as a hornet but shivering, she sought out warmth on Joe's lap. He wasn't even allowed to pet her she was so mad. Just provide warmth.



The next several are from our recent trip to Fargo and Minneapolis.


(JL Beers, Fargo. Many wonderful beers on taps. Yours truly had to abstain and settle for a cherry Coke.)


(Downtown Fargo. It's really cute. At least to me.)


(We got to spend the entire afternoon with my father-in-law, who was only to happy to take us for a spin around town. Along with JL Beers, we went to The Plains Art Museum, where we had our Fargo wedding reception in 2007. The current exhibit was of artist's interpretations of songs from the White Album.)


(At the Plains. A nod to the song from the play, Damn Yankees, which Joe was in the summer after he graduated high school.)


(The bell tower at Concordia College, Moorhead, MN, Joe's alma mater. One New Year's Eve, we counted down to midnight underneath it and then kissed at the stroke of 12. Rumor has it that if you walk under the bell tower with your significant other, you'll get married. Must be true. We did.)


(Concordia's Old Main. PLU has an Old Main too. 34 weeks.)


(Soli Deo Gloria means to God alone be the glory. How fitting.)


(The story behind this poster is kind of funny. We kept seeing people around Concordia with no shoes on, just walking around barefoot. We thought that they were doing so because the temperature had gone slightly above 45 degrees and, hey, in MN, that's a heatwave after nearly 6 months of snowfall. We finally asked a couple of students and they said that they were not wearing shoes to recognize the many, many people around the world who do not have any shoes and are in need. This event was sponsored by the art club- which hosted foot painting- and by Toms shoes. Ah, you gotta love the altruism of liberal arts.)


(Storytime at the Wild Rumpus Bookstore, Minneapolis, this crazy little neighborhood bookstore in the same area as my in-laws' condo. I could have spent all day there.)


(They even have chickens there. They also have resident kitties, but they all went into hiding when they saw about 3 dozen kids stampeding in the door for storytime.)

These times, they are a-changing

Holy Moses, it's been about 5 weeks since I last blogged. And due to the fact that my phone is apparently inept at downloading photos onto my blog, this post will be pictureless. Visit my facebook page to see how big I am and other things in our life I've chosen to document via camera.

Since I last blogged, I have turned 29, endured finals week, passed A & P with the B I need to continue to advance in applying to nursing schools, gone to baby shower number 1, had two midwife appointments, gone to the library for the first time in forever to get some more biographies to read, and contemplated that I will ACTUALLY BE A MOM in a matter of weeks. Joe and I are flying to Minneapolis next Sunday to visit Joe's family for a few days during spring break. In the time that we are there, we'll be attending TWO baby showers. It is so flattering and humbling to have family or friends-actually, anyone- make a big deal out of our baby that is on the way.

In terms of the pregnancy, the third trimester hit with a vengeance. In retrospect, week 29 (the beginning of the third trimester) was only about 3 weeks away from finals week. And for the last 3 weeks of the quarter (weeks 29-31), the closer it got to my final on March 16th, the more wracked with pain my body was, and the more I slept when I should've been studying, and the more foggy my thoughts became. During finals week, the baby was resting on the round ligament (posterior to my belly button) and it HURT. I could barely walk, think, and anything that brushed against my abdomen hurt terribly. I tend to approach pain as a mind over matter opportunity and avoid taking pills, but this proved to be too much. If had vicodin or morphine on hand, I would've taken it, but all we had was measly old Tylenol (which actually did the trick). I've never been so unmotivated to study in my life. I can usually kick my own butt into studying when I need to, but the weeks prior to the final were the worst. I can't even believe I pulled off a B. More than one of my classmates commented on how impressed they were that I was studying A & P considering how pregnant I was. One of my classmates was about 6 weeks ahead of me with her pregnancy and, by the end of the quarter, all of us were crossing our fingers and hoping that she wouldn't go into labor before the final. Each week, the baby dropped a little more, and she had MY respect taking her finals at 38 weeks. I learned my blood pressure zoomed up about 30 points when I went to my midwife appointment on March 2nd, but my March 24th appointment showed that it went back down to 104/68-pretty normal for me. The day after I woke up after my final, my body had completely relaxed. The baby even got off my ligament. I could finally exhale and orient my life in anticipation of my baby. People have asked me since the first trimester if we have the baby's room all set up. Does money grow on trees? Maybe for some it does, but not for us. It surprised me that people were
earnestly asking that (if we'd gotten the baby's room all done, not if money grew on trees for us). This past weekend, we were blessed by our shower gifts. One gift from my parents was a newly refurbished changing table. Once upon a time, it served as the changing table for my siblings and me, and had been sitting in my parents' garage for almost 30 years gathering cobwebs and dust until my dad rescued it, fixed it up, and gave it to us. Our crib is a mahogany tone and so he stained it a similar shade (which turned out a mite darker than the crib), and installed brushed nickel drawer handles. I kid you not, it looks beautiful. I swear it even smells new and I would've thought it was ordered from a Pottery Barn catalog. So now we have TWO pieces of furniture in baby's room. We hope to get a rocking chair, an area rug, and some storage pieces too.

Welcoming a new family member- whether it be through preparing their room, praying for them with Joe, or imaging holding them in my arms- is a strange experience. Especially if we've never met this little person. All we know is that they will arrive sometime around May 14th, will be helpless and vulnerable, and I am hoping that that they'll have curly hair just like their dad's. My mother in law asks about every few weeks whether I think it's going to be a boy or a girl. I have to admit, I have my fleeting thoughts about that subject. One week I think it's going to be a girl and another week it's going to be a boy. But honestly, the answer to this question, just like the answer to most of the questions I am asked, is a resounding "I don't know!" or "We'll see!" I know people want to display an interest in this new adventure in our life together, and I've resigned myself to the fact that I answer the same questions over and over again. And that many of these questions are decidedly of a personal nature.

Inquirer: "Are you going to find out the sex?"
Me: "No, we want it to be a surprise."
Inquirer: "What?!! Well, I couldn't wait to find out. I'm much too type A for it to be a surprise."
Me: "Well, that's nice." (Our society has only been able to find out what sex the baby is prior to birth for about the last generation. And now, because we can find out, we absolutely HAVE to know. What did type A people do before this kind of technology? They had to wait, just like people have for millions of years.)

Inquirer: (incredulous) "How are you going to support yourselves once the baby comes?"
Me: "Well, we're going to do what we have to. Joe will continue to work full-time teaching and I'll have to work a double shift on the weekend sometimes so we can make ends meet." (Do we appear destitute to people? People have made do with babies with alot less than what we have.)

Inquirer: (looking at my food the waiter just served me) "Wow, you gonna finish all that? Pregnant women sure do eat alot."
Me: (embarrassed) "Um, yes. I was thinking about it." (Contrary to popular belief, pregnant women get hungry just like the rest of the population. When you spent vast quantities of energy GROWING ANOTHER HUMAN BEING with a metabolism of their own, you will get very hungry...guaranteed.)

Inquirer: (doing a once over on me) "So how far along are you?"
Me: "I am ________ weeks along."
Inquirer: "I don't know, you still could pass for being chubby rather than pregnant."
Me: (stammering) "Well...I think because it's winter and I am wearing a couple of layers, it makes me look a little thicker around the middle." (ARE YOU SERIOUS? Being told she could pass for chubby instead of pregnant probably goes on the top ten list of things you never say to a pregnant lady.)

So you get the picture. Why is it that once you become pregnant, your life is an open book to people to critique, offer unsolicited advice, and to ask (sometimes) bonehead questions? I never knew what to ask pregnant women before I got pregnant. Looking back, I really hope I never asked these types of questions. One thing I have had good fortune in is miscellaneous people rubbing my belly. So far, it's only been people (family or friends) that have touched my protruding belly without asking. (It's like pregnant women just BELONG to everyone else.)

In the spirit of Valentine's Day...

I thought I would pause for a minute to mention how grateful I am for Joe's presence in my life. I love him so much more than I did when we were dating, engaged, or when we were first married. He has earned my whole-hearted respect (something that he says I don't give away very easily to people).

When I was 20, I didn't picture getting married until I was at least 30. Truly. Girls I knew all around me were all abuzz in talking about getting married, dating, having boyfriends, having babies, etc. Looking back, I think I was too scared to entertain those notions with them as I considered it a pipedream and something too lofty for someone like me to think about. I met my husband Joe a few months after I graduated college and, as they say, the rest is history. (Join me for a cup of coffee sometime and I'll tell you our story.) I believe security and trust within a relationship means something very different for a woman that it does for a man. Joe has wondered over the 6 1/2 years we've been together why it is so hard to get through to me and to communicate with me. And I've had a hard time explaining WHY the trust and security he provides for me is so important and why it is so devastating when it is eroded somehow. I really do marvel at the hand of God in our relationship and there were so many times when I have no human explanation but that He carried through those difficult times. He still does, everyday. Some unmarried people I talk to about our marriage wonder about all those milestones that are earmarked throughout the course of a relationship. (The cursory list being the initial attraction, dating, engagement, marriage, and babies...but not always in that order for all couples.) For me it is hard to clearly define those aha! moments or when we clearly defined one chapter from another. My life's path met up with my husband's almost 7 years ago now, and we fell in love, decided to get married along the way, and now have a baby. I don't feel like I've achieved the holy grail of marriage and being pregnant, mainly because I didn't idolize them growing up and before I met my husband. If it happened, great. If it didn't happen, great. (Not that I never had my cynical days of singlehood.)

Please don't misunderstand me. I really do LOVE my husband for dismantling my preconceived ideas about what my life what to be like in my 20's. I believe God gives us who and what we need when He deems most fit. And as I learn more about my husband, I realize God's worked through him to provide me with what I need when I've needed it. (And my prayer is that He'll use me to do the same for Joe.) I tell people who I know long to be married that marriage is not "when your life begins" or a feather in your cap. It's the most selfless commitment I've ever been apart of (we'll see bout parenting- ha!) Nowadays, my husband displays his selflessness by getting up and going to work 5 days a week and spending much time on the weekend planning for his classes (ah, the life of a music teacher). He is tired much of the time and worn out from winter blues. He's had to take on a few more private lessons due to the fact that I am not working right now. He's done a magnificent job with the time, energy, and resources he has and for that I am proud. I love my husband Joe very much and I am proud to be his wife. In my Valentine's card I wrote to him, I indicated that he's the one who has taught me to be a wife, more than my own revelations have.

Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie.

27 weeks pics

27 weeks

I find that when I talk to people about my pregnancy, they always ask how far along I am. I tell them in weeks how far along I am. If they have had a baby, they will nod understandingly and I can see in their eyes how they flashback to when they were at the same point in their (or their wife's) pregnancy. If they have never been pregnant or had a baby, they tend to only know how to contemplate a pregnancy in terms of months. I have learned my baby grows about 1/2 an inch a week! That is why each is celebrated and why I don't seem to post about anything else on my blog or facebook page. Each DAY is a milemarker. If our baby were to be delivered now, he/she would have a 90% chance of surviving, but would have to stay in NICU for a bit because they wouldn't have enough fat on their body to keep warm and their lungs would be underdeveloped (among other things, I'm sure). This is why I am grateful for everyday that I am able to carry our child to term (knock on wood). At the beginning of my pregnancy, I would honestly forget some days that I was carrying a growing life inside of me (I was barely showing and felt no movement). Now, as I enjoy this last week before entering the 3rd trimester (!), I am able to rest my hands on top of my belly and I frequently have to focus harder in class and lab because our little buddy is turning sommersaults. The next few photos are some of my favorites we have taken of my weekly growth. Joe made me laugh, and as silly as I think I look when laughing, I have to smile when looking at these.